Poker is very similar to the playground, when you think about it. Name-calling and bullying reign and when all else fails and the chips are (literally) down, participants are generally reduced to hurling insults. It's not such a leap from: "My dad's bigger than your dad," to "I own you," and "Wanna play £500 heads-up?"

I too have received a fair bit of name calling in my time. From the mildly insulting "Princess and the Pea" (who wants to sleep on one mattress?) to once, bizarrely, a Gucci socialist. As if I own any Gucci; labels are so tacky. Now I am being called "Granite" at the poker tables. Well, as I'm constantly saying: "Nobody's perfect". If granite is to be my poker persona, then so be it.